Internet Infidels: Web.Scan: 1997: December

A seasonal look at the best (and worst) that the web has to offer...

Once again Christmas approaches... and once again, atheists all over the world will be agonizing about whether they should participate in the festivities. Is it hypocritical to dress as Santa? Is there some secret religious meaning behind eggnog? Why do we put presents under a tree anyway?

In case you're not aware of all the details, Kenneth W. Collins' Christmas Facts page gives a brief overview of Christmas, which dates back to the Roman feast of the birth of the invincible sun, first celebrated around 335 CE. We can blame the Dutch for the whole gift-giving business, and the Germans for the pine needles all over the carpet.

Of course, by putting up a Christmas-related page in December, I'm hopelessly late. Retailers start putting up the seasonal decorations as soon as Halloween is over -- sometimes even earlier. Occasionally it's enough to make me wish Christmas was still banned in Boston.

The commercial Christmas web sites are everywhere; the Online Christmas Megastore boasts up front that "Christmas is our only business". Other sites leaven their price lists with fun -- and even a little education. I rather liked christmas.com's guide to Christmas All Over The World; did you know that in Iceland, they have thirteen different Santas, who visit one by one starting on December 12th? And that the Santas play pranks on the household before leaving presents? The Japanese, meanwhile, have a sinister Santa figure with an extra pair of eyes in the back of his head -- so he can see whether you're being naughty or nice even if he's facing the other way. And pity the poor Russian kids, who have to wait until January 1st for Grandfather Frost to bring their presents.

Come to think of it, isn't the idea of Santa rather out of keeping in these days of The X-Files? Why do we adore this sinister figure? He knows when we are sleeping, he knows when we're awake, he knows when we've been bad or good... maybe he works for the NSA? And what about the reindeer? I bet those antlers are really antennas, picking up the transmissions from the gifts he oh-so-conveniently leaves us. Gifts which are carefully constructed to look exciting -- only to reveal themselves as socks or neckties when we open them.

Santa also has a suspiciously large number of accounts on computer systems all over the world. As well as his web site and home page, he has an entire secret village where he trains his crack team of elves. ("So, Mr Bond, you thought you could escape my secret workshop...") And how does this sinister figure occupy his time the rest of the year? Based on the evidence available on the net and in the movies, I'd rather not speculate.

Of course, for every paranoid conspiracy theory there's a debunker. The Science Of Santa carefully explains why Saint Nick couldn't possibly visit everyone on the night of December 24th. So on to another somewhat older mystery: What exactly was that strange star in the sky that allegedly led three wise men to a stable in Bethlehem? The answer from Christian Answers Network is predictably anti-science:

"My conclusion is that the Star of Bethlehem cannot be explained by science! It was a temporary and supernatural light."

Plenty of people are prepared to speculate, though. The Griffith Observatory offers a page of articles and links about The Star of Bethlehem, and is an excellent starting point if you're intrigued by the topic. One of the most popular answers seems to be that the "star" was a massing of Mars, Jupiter and Saturn on February 20th, 6 BCE. Thanks to Sienna Software's excellent Starry Night astronomy software, I can bring you a picture of the scene as it may have appeared from the Holy Land:

Hmm. Well, whatever. So, should you celebrate Christmas? Are you even allowed to? The Christian Answers Network (again) have an irate piece about how Christians are being persecuted in the workplace, and how federal employees are being banned from giving and receiving "Merry Christmas" cards, prohibited from keeping Bibles in their offices, and so on. And of course, it's all Bill Clinton's fault. They rather spoil the effect, though, by indirectly linking to the actual federal guidelines -- which turn out to be far more reasonable.

The curiously-named Balaam's Ass Speaks is pretty down on the whole Christmas thing. The author bases his view of reality on the King James Bible (oh dear), and concludes: "I have come to hate Christmas with a passion greater than any other of Satan's filth."

Balaam's Ass also has an article on the Star of Bethlehem. Their astrology seems 'correct'; but although Jupiter was pretty much stationary against the stars on the date they mention (December 25th, 2 BCE), it was of course anything but stationary in the night sky. When I tried reproducing the results with my astronomy program, I wasn't "in awe", so I wonder what I'm missing?

There are also some Christians who don't like Christmas. Brian Schwertley's The Regulative Principle of Worship and Christmas concludes (after much Biblical justification) that Christmas dishonors Christ, and is pagan idolatry spread by Satanists.

In the end, I agree with the Christmas Without Christ web page when it says that Christmas simply isn't a Christian celebration -- and that superficial religious trappings don't make it so. I certainly intend to celebrate with gifts, good food and drink, friends and family. I'm quite happy to join in the celebrations at religious festivals too, so long as I don't personally have to do anything religious, and as long as it's clear I'm only there for the fun. So even if you're a hard-core 'strong' atheist, I hope you'll have a merry Christmas. See you in January.

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