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Saint Valentine's Day approaches, and with it come thoughts of love... Oh, all right, and that as well.
Someone once posted to alt.atheism asking for advice on Christian dating. I volunteered my usual suggestion -- saw the top of the head off and count the rings. OK, that's my gratuitous insult quota for the month, you can read on in safety...
The path of true love is not always an easy one. But what if you're a committed Christian and your loved one isn't? The Christian Answers web site seems pretty sure of the answer -- dump the unbeliever, "for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?" And don't try and convert the person yourself, either. Follow God's rules.
I've noticed that Americans love rules -- whether it's Biblical commandments, natural law or the "rules" of the free market. And according to The Rules web site, there's a simple set of rules you can follow which guarantee you a mate. Now, I don't want to spoil all the fun, but I have to say that when I look at their top ten important rules, I'm struck by how stupid some of them are. Rule 3, for example, says that there's no hope of a relationship unless the guy asks the woman out first. Rule 8 says that if it's been more than a year and he hasn't asked to marry you yet, you should start dating someone else. The thing I find really fascinating is that women actually pay to go to seminars and have their relationships ruined by these rules.
So, if the rules don't work, how do you find that special someone? I've a hunch the Shining Star Christian Singles Chat Room isn't the way. Perplexingly, this chat room for singles prohibits any kind of "sexually suggestive talk". Surely a singles chat room which outlaws discussion of sex is like a sports chat room which outlaws discussion of game results? And looking at the application form for Christian Singles Commitments, again sex appears to be conspicuous by its absence, though there are questions on everything else from home repair to gardening. Then again, even mainstream dating agencies seem to shy away from admitting that sex has anything to do with it; but surely sexual compatibility is important? I mean, if you're a "once a month" kind of person, and your significant other has more of a "once a day" kind of libido, isn't that going to be a much bigger problem for the relationship than whether you both like gardening? Still, for Christians with more, ah, specialized tastes, there are a few places to try... Yes, it's the Christian BDSM web site.
Maybe you've found a nice Christian date, and you're going out to see a movie? I'm afraid the problems don't stop there. You need to find a suitable movie, and the Christian Spotlight on the Movies web site is there to help you avoid spiritual danger. For instance, not only is "The X-Files" movie violent, it also has (gasp) "heavy evolutionary overtones". The animated movie "Anastasia" isn't so innocent either, featuring "occult views"; "Forrest Gump" is rated lower than "Psycho", because it strongly depicts sin. (Er, hello?) The Star Wars trilogy isn't suitable viewing either -- it suggests that people can choose the light or dark side of the force, when really Luke Skywalker should be choosing Jesus. No, best to stick to a Christian movie, like "The Wizard of Oz".
If the evening goes well, perhaps it's time for a little Bible Quiz to determine your date's eligibility for further encounters? In fact, why take risks -- why not just run a full background check on your potential date? Know First are eager for your business. Bizarrely, they sell the service as a way of letting you know who you can trust -- surely if you've run a background check on someone, then by definition you aren't trusting them? I also can't help but remember that as recently as 1987, the idea of background checks for dates seemed so ludicrous that it was laughable ("Amazon Women On The Moon"). I also can't help wondering -- what kind of a basis is it for a relationship, to go behind someone's back like that?
Oh well. Happy Valentine's Day. To be serious for a moment, atheists could do worse than try the Atheist Singles mailing list. I'd like to think that it's possible to date a Christian, but they seem to have other ideas. I've been there and tried that, and it didn't work out, but good luck if you're in that situation. And remember, if all else fails, there's always Baa-bera the Love Ewe -- or worse.
mathew
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Last updated: Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 17:06:10 CST
