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At school, I always found Biology fascinating. I was more naturally predisposed to engineering, though, which often gave me a strange perspective on matters biological. For example, I remember a feeling of joy when I discovered that some bacteria have wheels; to me, it had always seemed odd that there weren't any wheels found in nature, and now suddenly it was revealed that there were after all. I still wanted to know why there weren't any wheeled mammals, though...
Another mystery of my childhood biology lessons was the question of why animals don't carry out photosynthesis. The teacher said they weren't equipped to do so, but of course that was just begging the question. The answer, I know now, is that photosynthesis just can't provide the quantities of energy needed for (say) a mammal. Which brings me to the subject of this month's web.scan.
Wiley Brooks has discovered a radical solution for hunger; it's called Breatharianism. You can think of it as the logical next step after vegetarianism, veganism and fruitarianism.
According to the Breatharians, this whole business of eating and drinking is a kind of addiction passed on from parents to their children. You're born, you're made to eat and drink -- and pretty soon you become convinced that you can't do without food and water! The gut becomes filled with decaying food, and you suffer an instinctive reflex to eat more food, purely so as to push out the decaying matter. However, Breatharians have learned how to break free of this cycle, via a rigorous program of fasting. Freed from food, they can nourish themselves with pure Prana energy extracted from the air with every breath. Now they are taking their message of hope to the world, via the official Breatharian Web Site.
Wiley Brooks' message of salvation is spelled out in straightforward terms on the web site: $425 for a seminar, payment in advance, no refunds. As he reportedly said a few years ago, when the prices were lower: if you can't find $300, then how do you expect to find God?
But these days, Brooks himself seems to be keeping a lower profile, and the new rising star of Breatharianism is Ellen Greve, a 42 year old Australian woman who now calls herself Jasmuheen. Her book "Living on Light" is available from Amazon.com. There, we learn that tragically, many who learn to live on Prana still go back to eating -- because of peer pressure. The TV ads must be a problem, too -- forget Philip Morris, when are the Breatharians going to file a class-action lawsuit against McDonalds?
At the time of writing, there are five-star reviews on Amazon from three happy Breatharians who have read Jasmuheen's book. However, Breatharianism hasn't been a complete success for everyone. Earlier this year another Australian, Verity Linn, apparently starved herself to death; it's believed that she may have been attempting to purify herself and become a Breatharian. A few similar cases have been reported in other countries. Maybe they just didn't believe with enough faith?
Or perhaps not. You see, I first heard about this particular religious health cult around 1989, thanks to the Church of the SubGenius and the Rev Ivan Stang. According to Stang, the Breatharians suffered a bit of a setback in the 80s when Wiley Brooks was discovered to have been making secret late-night trips to pick up junk food from his local convenience stores. In interviews, Jasmuheen seems to like to clarify matters: she isn't claiming that she doesn't eat or drink anything. No, she's claiming that if she were to stop eating and drinking, she wouldn't die. In the mean time, she's happy to munch biscuits and drink tea.
I think I'm beginning to get the picture here. And you know, I could jump out of a window, fly up to the clouds, and tap-dance on them -- if I chose to do so. I just choose not to. Some other sucker... er, seeker after truth can try leaping out of windows. Perhaps I should start selling $450 seminars on Defenestrationism?
There's more to Breatharianism than just not eating, though. Consider this thoughtful explanation of how man came to be, from one of Jasmuheen's interviews:
"You have to look at the process of evolution. OK, how we originally manifested on the planet. Some stories say it was those gigantic blobs of fluid-type energy, with these 2 transmitter type feeler things coming out of our head... some stories (laugh)... and then we definitely looked like we look today, and we didn't have digestive organs, we synthesized light, OK? So we were just so in tune with the morphogenic fields of creation, and we didn't have individualization -- and anyone who wants to track that process of evolution can go on and study theosophy and the root-race cycles. OK, so we've gone through a natural process, where the body has supported our belief system. We've densified. So over eons of time, millenniums, we've developed the organs needed to support our belief system which said that we need food. And then over eons of time to come, we will go through an evolutionary process where we probably will have no digestive tract, we might not have teeth, we might not have mouths! And God knows what we'll look like! So our body just reflects our consciousness today."
If you want more of this woman's wisdom, there are videos and CDs available. There are several other Breatharian authors, too. Like Hilton Hotema, who writes: "This booklet demonstrates just how incredible each mind can be." Incredible, yes, that's almost the right word isn't it?
Then there's the CIA. No, not that one -- Jasmuheen's Cosmic Internet Academy. Unfortunately most of the material seems to be in PDF format, but if you have the patience to download it I'm sure it won't disappoint.
But enough of Jasmuheen; let's look at a self-described NUT -- a "Naturopathic Urine Therapist", that is. A "health consultant" who goes by the name Ahmen Heaven. With a name like that you'd expect him to be taking the piss, and you wouldn't be far wrong: his Christian Health Research web site is a potent blend of Breatharianism, Christianity, Hindu mysticism, and urine drinking.
Yes, urine. For in the Bible, Jesus said "If you believe in me, you will never thirst" and "Rivers of living water shall flow from your bellies" (John 7:38). And obviously he was talking about urine, wasn't he?
Urine, the fountain of youth. It's pure, it's healthy, it's full of antibodies, vitamins and minerals, it's "a nourishing drink, that is also cleansing, as well as medicinal." In fact, it sounds so good that I bet the only reason the Coca-Cola company don't sell cans of carbonated piss is that Anheuser-Busch have already cornered the market.
But Ahmen Heaven and other urine enthusiasts don't just drink it. They also massage with it, and bath in it, because "cures were faster and more effective in those who bathed, massaged, rubbed, and soaked themselves with urine." You can also boil it down to 25% volume, keep it for four days, and then apply it to your skin to get rid of burns. Even if it doesn't improve your complexion, it'll keep people far enough away that they won't see your scars.
Plus sniffing urine can help loosen mucus; and don't forget to try urine eye-drops too. Is there no end to the uses of this miracle liquid? But the really puzzling one, to my mind, is the claim that being soaked in urine is a medically proven cure for tuberculosis. If that's true, why is TB such a problem amongst homeless drunks?
One thing I've noticed is that somehow, whenever a web site features advocacy of fasting and bodily purity up front, there always seems to be an enema behind. So to speak. And the Christian Health Research web site is no exception to the rule. Yes, urine enemas. Don't try this at home. Or if you do, please do not send me e-mail telling me about it.
Finally, one claim that's absolutely believable: "Drinking your own urine makes you think seriously about what you eat." I bet. But not half as seriously as it makes you think about what you're drinking, I'd imagine.
If this sounds like the health cult for you, you might like to check out the Health Oasis Resort Hotel in Thailand. They offer Breatharian vacations and Colonic Cellular Cleansing programs. Bargain rates include all the air you can eat, with hot and cold running enemas. Can't say fairer than that, eh? But what's the Breatharian room service menu like?
mathew
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Last updated: Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 17:06:10 CST
