Library: Humor: Scientific "Proof" Of My Divinity

Scientific "Proof" Of My Divinity

Rob Berry

Prologue

Needless to say, this essay isn't really meant to prove that I am a god! It was written in response to various essays which claim to prove that the Bible (or the Quran, in one case) is the word of God, and which use the existence of unusual patterns of numbers, usually the number 7 (or 19 in the case of the Quran), as a proof of this claim. The point of this essay is not to show that these patterns don't exist-- they do. Rather, I aim to show that these patterns are commonplace-- you can find these "unusual" patterns almost everywhere you look. In the case of this essay, I find these patterns in the names of people, places and institutions that have played a major role in my life. Thus, if unusual patterns of 7 are indeed sufficient to prove divinity, then one must conclude that I am a god. Since I am obviously not a god, it must follow that the "mathematical proofs" of the Bible's (or Quran's) divine influence clearly don't hold water. And I also manage to get in a few jokes at Josh McDowell's expense as well.

Because this essay is written as a satire, rather than a straight argument, some portions may not make much sense without having seen the original articles. In particular, some may wonder where I pulled in the phrase "The Mathematical Author Of Nature"-- this came from an essay I saw recently which referred to the Christian God with that phrase, claiming that only "The Mathematical Author Of Nature" could arrange these unusual patterns of 7. (This essay arose in the context of a mailing list discussion in which everybody had access to the original, which isn't the case here.)

At some point in the near future, I'm going to write an additional article showing that these patterns are commonplace, and why. Once written, it will be made available on the Freethought Web, and will be linked directly to this article. Stay tuned!

Introduction

"In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth." -- me

Since the beginning of time, men have arisen who claimed to be deities, or sons of deities, or incarnations of deities. But none among them has even been able to offer scientific proof of their claims. Until now. By examining my life for unusual instances of the holy number 7, I have been able to verify with mathematical certainty that I myself am God. If you are not yet a believer in me, I invite you to examine the hard evidence that I shall set before you. All I ask is that you keep an open mind, and not flinch from the facts. If you are already a believer, you can use the following facts to silence skeptics and strengthen your faith in me. Read on, for a miracle awaits you!

Terms And Methodology

The approach I have chosen to use is the "numerico-hysterical" method, which establishes truths by looking for unusual patterns of numbers. It is a well-established scientific fact that 7 is the number most associated with God. The Hebrews kept the seventh day holy, the book of Revelations has seven plagues, and so forth. Clearly, then, if a person was indeed a God, we would expect his life to be full of unusual patterns of 7. The following will prove that my life contains no less than 114 unusual instances of the number 7-- far too many to be explained away as chance and coincidence.

The term "gematria value" refers to a way of converting words into numbers. We start by assigning a number to each letter: A=1, B=2, C=3, and so forth, until we get Y=25 and Z=26. Next, the letters in the word are summed together. Thus, the word "CAT" would have a gematria value of 24, since C=3, A=1, T=20, and 3+1+20=24. Sometimes, we will also look at the gematria values over a word's unique letters. Thus, the word "BOOT" would have a gematria value of 37 over its unique letters, since B=2, O=15, T=20, and 2+15+20=37.

The method of proof consists of examining the names of people, places, dates and institutions which have played a major role in my life, and examining them for instances of the number 7 in the number of letters in the name, the gematria value of the name, and so forth. Such instances might show up as multiples of 7, or numbers containing 7, or numbers whose digits sum to 7. Later, we'll look at some skeptical arguments against this method of proving my divinity, to see why they don't hold water.

My Holy Name

Let's begin with my name. I am commonly known as "Rob Berry". If we take the gematria value of "Rob", we find it has a value of 35, since R=18, O=15, B=2, and 18+15+2=35. Now 35=5x7, so we have our first example of an unusual instance of the number 7.

"But", the skeptic may protest, "that proves nothing. I noticed you left out your middle name, so you're probably just fudging things to make them fit." Not true. My middle name is "Alyn" (sic), and the gematria value of "Alyn" is 52. If we sum the digits of 52, we get 5+2, or 7. My middle name holds the second instance occurance of 7.

"All fine and good", says the skeptic, "but I'm still not convinced. After all, you've used your middle name alone, and a diminuative of your first name coupled with your last name. But how about your full legal name? Again, you're fudging things." But again, the skeptic is mistaken. My full legal name is "Robby Alyn Berry" (yes, it really is Robby, not Robert.) There are 14 letters in "Robby Alyn Berry", and 14=2x7. Further, the gematria value of my full legal name is 182, or 26x7. My full legal name contains not one, but two unusual instances of the number 7. Lastly, my initials, "R. A. B.", have a gematria value of 21, or 3x7. We are up to five unusual instances of 7 in my life, and we've only looked at my name!

My Miraculous Birth

In Josh McDowell's book "Evidence That Demands A Verdict", Josh writes that if God became a man, we would expect him to have an unusual entrance into life. The following will show that I did indeed have such an entrance, for the circumstances of my birth are brimming over with unusual instances of the number 7.

Let's turn now to the circumstances of my birth. I was born in the year 1970, which contains a 7 in it. The date of my birth was November 23, or 11/23. If you sum the digits of 11 (the month) and 23 (the date) of my birth, you 1+1+2+3=7. And if you take the full date of birth, 11/23/70, and sum the digits, you get 1+1+2+3+7+0, or 14, which is 2x7. Embedded in my birth date are three unusual instances of the number 7.

How about my place of birth? I was born in Takoma Park, Maryland. Both "Takoma Park" and "Maryland" have 7 unique letters in the names. "Takoma Park" has a gematria value of 107, which contains a 7. The unique letters of "Maryland", A-D-L-M-N-R-Y, have a gematria value of 87, which also contains a 7.

We see that there are 3 instances of 7 in my birth date, and 4 instances of 7 in the place of my birth. This means there are 7 instances of 7 in my birth, which is itself an unusal instance of the number 7! If we add in the previous 5 instances we found in my name, we get a total of 13 unusual instances of 7. At this point the skeptic should be beginning to sweat-- after all, explaining away 13 patterns of 7 is going to take some doing. And we're just getting started!

My Holy Family

Let's look at my immediate family. The family name is "Berry", which has a gematria value of 68. If you sum the digits of 68, you get 6+8, or 14, which is 2x7.

My mother's full legal name is "Judith Elaine Nichols Berry". There are 16 unique letters in her full legal name, and the digits of 16 sum to 1+6, or 7. Further, the gematria value of her name, 266, contains two unusual instances of 7. First, 266 is a multiple of 7, since 266=38x7. Second, the digits of 266 sum to 2+6+6=14, and 14=2x7. Her first name, "Judith", has a gematria value of 72, which contains a 7. She is commonly known either as "Judith Berry" or "Judy Berry". "Judith Berry" has a gematria value of 140, or 20x7. "Judy Berry" has 7 unique letters in it. On occasion, she is known as "Judy E. Berry", which like her full legal name contains three unusual instances of 7. First, "Judy E. Berry" contains 7 unique letters. Second, the gematria value is 133, which is a multiple of 7 (19x7=133). Lastly, the digits of the gematria value sum to 1+3+3, or 7! And to silence the skeptic, we note that her initials, "J. E. B.", has a gematria value of 17, which contains a 7. We also note that "Nichols", her maiden name, contains exactly 7 letters. My mother's name thus contains no less than 11 unusual instances of 7.

"But what about your father?" asks the skeptic. His full name is "Vernon Lyle Berry", which has a gematria value of 210, or 30x7. His first name has a gematria value of 74 over its unique letters (E-N-O-R-V), and 74 contains a 7. The diminuative of his first name, "Vern", has a gematria value of 59, and 5+9=14, and 14=2x7. His middle name has a gematria value of 42 over its unique letters (E-L-Y), and 42=6x7. When the name is written "Vernon Berry", we find 7 unique letters. When written "Vernon L. Berry", we find a gematria value of 168, or 24x7. When written "Vern Berry", we get two unusual instances of 7. First, the gematria value equals 127, which contains a 7. Second, the gematria value over the unique letters (B-E-N-R-V-Y) is 86, the digits of which sum to 14, or 2x7. There are thus 8 unusual occurances of 7 in my father's name.

What about my brother and sister? We look first at my sister. Her full name is "Loriann Berry" (sic), which has a gematria value of 151. If we sum the digits of the gematria value, we get 1+5+1, or 7. Further, she is more commonly known as "Lori Berry". This contains 7 unique letters, and the gematria value over these unique letters is 86, and the digits of 86 sum to 14, or 2x7. Thus, there are 3 unusual instances of 7 in my sister's name.

Now we come to my brother, Mark Sean Berry. "Mark" has a gematria value of 43, the digits of which sum to 7. He usually goes by "Mark Berry", like my sister's "common name" (Lori Berry) has 7 unique letters, and an instance of 7 in the gematria value of the unique letters. (The gematria value of the unique letters in his common name, A-B-E-K-M-R-Y, sum to 75, which has a 7 in it.) Lastly, the gematria value of his initials, "M. S. B.", is 34, whose digits sum to 7. There are thus 4 unusual instances of 7 in my brother's name. Combine this with the 3 in my sister's name, and we find 7 instances of 7 in my sibling's names, which is itself an unusual pattern of seven!

So my mother has 11 instances of 7, my father 8 instances, my sister 3, and my brother 4, Coupled with the unusal instance of 7 that we found when adding the number of instances between my brother and sister, we find a total of 27 unusual instances of 7 in my family's names. This itself is an unusual instance of 7 as well, and when we added these to the previous instances in my name and birth date, we get 5+8+27+1=41 instances of 7 in my name. At this point the skeptic should be starting to squirm. After all, the odds of finding this many instances of 7 in my life are quite low, and we're not finished yet!

My Sacred Wife

Now let's look at my wife. My wife's full name, including maiden name, is "Adrienne Elizabeth Cassens Berry", which contains 14 (2x7) unique letters. Her first name has a gematria value of 70, which is triply special. First, it contains a 7; second, it is a multiple of 7 (10x7), third, the digits sum to 7 (7+0=7). She is commonly known both as "Adrienne Berry" and "Adrienne E. Berry". The former has a gematria value of 78 over its unique letters (A-B-D-E-I-N-R-Y), and 78 contains a 7. The latter has 14 (2x7) letters, and a gematria value of 78 over its unique letters, and again, 78 contains a 7. We were we were married on 5/23/92, the digits of which sum to 5+2+3+9+2=21, or 3x7. Lest the skeptic protest that I am fudging the date, I note that 1992, the year we got married, also has digits which sum to 1+9+9+2=21, or 3x7. No matter how you write the date, you get the exact same unusual instance of 7! Thus, there are 9 unusual instances of 7 in my wife's name, bringing the total number of unusual instances of 7 in my life to 50.

My Miraculous Education

Let's look at my education now. I received my high school education in two schools. The first was "Eastwood Junior Academy", which has 21 (3x7) letters and a gematria value of 241, whose digits sum to 2+4+1=7. The schools initials, "EJA", have a gematria value of 16, and the digits of 16 sum to 1+6=7. The second was "Whitehall Yearling High School", which has not less than 5 unusual instances of 7! First, there are 27 letters in the name, and 27 contains a 7. Second, there are 14 (2x7) unique letters in the name. The gematria value is 293, and 2+9+3=14, or 2x7. The gematria value of the unique letters (A-C-E-G-H-I-L-N-O-R-S-T-W-Y) is 179, which not only contains 7, but whose digits sum to 17, which also contains 7! And to silence the skeptic, note that the abbreviation "WYHS" has a gematria value of 75, which contains a 7. I went to college at the "Ohio State University". The gematria value here is 274, and the gematria value over its unique letters is 177-- both of which contain a 7. There are thus a total of 11 unusual instances of 7 in my education, or 61 unusual instances total. And we still aren't finished!

Holy Places Of Employment

Let's look at my employment history. In high school, I worked at "Kentucky Fried Chicken", which has a gematria value of 205. The digits of 205 sum to 7. When I left KFC, my boss was John Bobo. Now "John" has a gematria value of 47, which contains a 7. "Bobo" has a gematria value of 34, and the digits of 34 sum to 7. Further, "Bobo" has a gematria value of 17 over its unique letters (B-O), and 17 contains a 7. Lastly, "John Bobo" has a gematria value of 49, which contains two instances of 7, since 49=7x7. Lastly, the job was located in "Whitehall". Whitehall has 7 unique letters (A-E-H-I-L-T-W), a gematria value of 98 (14x7, and note that 9+8=17, which contains a 7), and a gematria value over its unique letters of 78 (contains 7.)

In college, I worked for "PHE Janitorial Services". This has 21 (3x7) letters, 14 (2x7) unique letters, a gematria value of 238 (34x7, and note that this doubly special, because it is 7 times a number, 34, whose digits sum to 7), and a gematria value of 172 over its unique letters (contains a 7). The man who hired me was "Herman Hampton". Now "Herman" has a gematria value of 59, and 5+9=14, or 2x7. "Hampton" contains 7 letters and has a gematria value of 87, which contains a 7. My immediate supervisor's first name was "Harriet", which has 7 letters, a gematria value of 79 (which contains a 7), and a gematria value of 61 over the unique letters A-E-H-I-R-T (the digits of 61 sum to 6+1=7). Lastly, the job was located in Columbus, which has 7 unique letters and a gematria value of 106, the digits of which sum to 7.

My next job was with the "Ohio Supercomputer Center", which has a gematria value of 161 (23x7) over its unique letters. The abbreviation, "OSC", has a gematria value of 37, which contains a 7. My boss' name there was "Jan Karel Labanowski", which has a gematria value of 179 (contains a 7, and the digits sum to 1+7+9=17, which also contains a 7). "Jan" has a gematria value of 25, and 2+5=7. "Karel" has a gematria value of 47, which contains a 7. "Labanowski" has a gematria value of 107 (contains a 7), and a gematria value of 106 over the unique letters (the digits of 106 sum to 1+0+6=7). He commonly went by "Jan K. Labanowski", which has 14 (2x7) letters in it.

I am currently working at the Online Computer Library Center, which has 27 (contains a 7) letters and 14 (2x7) unique letters. Further, the gematria value over those unique letters is 174, which also contains a 7. I got this position through the assistance of Edward Nowak. "Edward Nowak" has a gematria value of 119 (17x7, doubly special since 17 itself contains a 7), and a gematria value of 91 (13x7) over its unique letters. His common name, "Ed Nowak", has 7 letters and a gematria value of 73, which contains a 7. Ed is the owner of DP Initiatives, which has a gematria value of 157, which contains a 7.

My places of employment, when examined, show no less than 40 unusual instances of 7, bringing the grand total to 101! Clearly, the hard mathematical facts point to my divinity, for no theory of chance and coincidence could explain 101 unusual instances of 7! And there's more!

Religion And I

Let's look at how religion fits into this. I was raised a Seventh-Day Adventist, in the "Eastwood Seventh-Day Adventist Church", which has a gematria value of 207 (contains a 7) over its unique letters. Later, I began attending "Faith Chapel", which has a gematria value of 89. The digits of 89 sum to 8+9=17, which contains a 7. So there are 3 unusual patterns of 7 in my religious history, bring the total to 104.

Miscellaneous Instances Of Seven

My current mailing address is "2496 Hard Rd., Dublin OH, 43017". This has a gematria value of 174, which contains a 7. If I write out Ohio instead of abbreviating it, we get "2496 Hard Rd., Dublin Ohio, 43017", which has 25 letters, and the digits of 25 sum to 2+5=7. If we write out "Road" instead of "Rd.", we get "2496 Hard Road, Dublin OH, 43017", which also has 25 letters, and we saw that 25 is special because 2+5=7. Lastly, if we write out both "Road" and "Ohio", we get "2496 Hard Road, Dublin Ohio, 43017", which has 27 (ends with a 7) letters, and a gematria value of 214 (the digits of 214 sum to 7). I cannot include my Social Security Number for privacy reasons, but I can tell you that it contains 7 unique digits. My phone number, 761-3208, has 7 digits-- not too unusual, but it also contains 7 unique digits, and has a gematria value of 27, which ends in a 7. My state of residence, Ohio, has a gematria value of 47, which also ends in a 7. That's another 10 unusual instances of 7, bringing the total to 114.

Some Objections

Skeptics will clearly be uncomfortable with the notion that I am God. Although they may claim that these objections are intellectual, they are usually emotional in nature. Some may not want to believe in me because to do so would mean giving up their sex life, and starting a new one with me. There is little doubt that the demands I make on my followers are rigorous, but that is no excuse. At any rate, let's look at the objections offered by skeptics against my divinity.

The first objection is the Coincidence Objection. "All these patterns of 7 are simple coincidences, nothing more!" This objection is mathematically absurd. As we saw earlier, there are 114 unusual instances of 7 in my life-- in my name, my address, my jobs, and so on. Let's suppose that the odds of having an unusual instance of 7 in any one of these areas was 1 in 10. Then the odds of having 114 instances would be (10^-1)^114, or 10^-114, or 1 chance in 10^114. 10^114 is a really big number, so let's use an analogy. If I wanted to get 10^114, I would need a stack of ten 10^113-dollar bills! (It boggles the mind, doesn't it?) Here's another analogy to help get the point across. Imagine that Josh McDowell wrote a book on apologetics with 10^114 arguments in it. I would have a 1 in 10^114 chance of opening the book to a random page, putting my finger on the page, and finding a rational, well-supported argument under my finger on the very first try! Clearly, with odds like these, chance and coincidence are not enough to explain all 114 unusual instances of 7 in my life.

The second objection is the Conspiracy Objection. "You have conspired to arrange all these patterns of 7 in your life." This, of course, is simply ludicrous. My parents picked out my name before I was born-- how could I have conspired to arrange that? How could I have told my parents to name my brother Mark Sean Berry when I was only two years old? How could I have determined the city and state in which I was born, or convinced others to give them the names they now bear? How could I have told Colonel Sanders to name his restaurants Kentucky Fried Chicken, when he started the chain before I was born? And so on. These factors would not be in my control if I was an ordinary human. Hence, the Conspiracy Objection fails as well.

The last objection is the Mathematical Objection. In response to my claim to be the Mathematical Author of Nature (which I would have to be in order to arrange so many unusual patterns of 7), some ask, "But if you're the Mathematical Author of Nature, how come you failed Differential Equations in college?" But there is no evidence that I actually failed that course. Some skeptics point to printouts of my grades, some of which admittedly contain an "E" next to "Math 415". But only the later report sheets (those dated after Spring Quarter of 1992) contain this "E"; earlier ones have no mention of it, and so we can dismiss this "Math 415-- E" line as a later interpolation by those seeking to silence my cause.

Some skeptics have a problem with this. They offer an alternative explanation-- that prior to Spring '92, I hadn't taken Math 415, and this is why the earlier report cards contain no mention of the "E" in Math 415. Then, so the scenario goes, I took Math 415 in Spring '92 and failed it, so report cards after that contained a line reading "Math 415-- E". But this is an argument from silence-- since my earlier grade cards didn't have any mention of Math 415, they say I must not have taken Math 415 at that time. But my earlier grade cards also had no mention of the assassination of JFK-- should we therefore conclude it didn't happen? The reality is, I did take Math 415 in Autumn of 1990, and passed with an A+. Critics should not use the silence of my report cards as an argument otherwise.

Conclusion

Clearly, I am God. We have seen that my life contains 114 unusual instances of the holy number 7, and that attempts to explain this away in naturalistic terms have failed. At this point, you're probably thinking, "This is all find and good, but what I want to know is, how can you make a difference in my life right now?" To answer this question, I give you the Four 1/2 Spiritual Laws.

1. Obey me in all things, without question.
2. Send 1/7th of your net income to me, preferably in small, unmarked bills.
3. Praise my name 7 times daily.
4. If you are an attractive woman, give yourself to me sexually. If not, find someone who is and tell me her name, address, phone number measurements, and favorite lovemaking positions.
4 1/2. Brush your teeth three times daily. (Only counts as half a law, because I don't really care if you follow this one, unless you are one of the attractive women mentioned in #4.)

Finally, let me remind you that all skeptics, once they die, will be sent to a special place of punishment I have prepared for them-- a realm in which everyone is compelled to watch "Barney" and "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Repent!

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